Noisetheory.com

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/ "Good afternoon, madam.  How may I help you?"                          \
|                                                                        |
| "Good afternoon.  I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."            |
|                                                                        |
| "A--?  Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady.  I   |
| mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I   |
| say they have a right to.  But I think... I might... Let's have a look |
| down here.  I might have just the thing for you.  Yes, here we are!    |
| Look at that, isn't it neat?  Now that is a FrintArms product as well, |
| but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call      |
| them.  Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't |
| spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a   |
| tonne of iron around with you.  We do a range of matching accessories, |
| including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster.  Wish I |
| got to do the fitting for that!  Ha -- just my little joke.  And       |
| there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun,  |
| charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster |
| with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your |
| next battery.  Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free    |
| lessons at your local gun club or range.  Or there's the *special*     |
| presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two*       |
| charged batteries and a night-sight, too.  Here, feel that -- don't    |
| worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat?  Feel how light it is?   |
| Smooth, see?  No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and*    |
| beautifully balanced.  And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's |
| no recoil.  Because it's shooting light, you see?  Beautiful gun,      |
| beautiful gun; my wife has one.  Really.  That's not a line, she       |
| really has.  Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free   |
| charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special       |
| offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for    |
| one-forty-nine."                                                       |
|                                                                        |
| "I'll take the special."                                               |
|                                                                        |
| "Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice.  Now, do--?"                     |
|                                                                        |
| "And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three |
| six-five AP/wire-fl'echettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a    |
| Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding  |
| rounds, not the signalers.  I assume the night-sight on this toy is    |
| compatible?"                                                           |
|                                                                        |
| "Aah... yes,  And how does madam wish to pay?"                         |
|                                                                        |
| She slapped her credit card on the counter.  "Eventually."             |
|                                                                        |
\                 -- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"          /
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